dear santa

dear santa,

i have been a good boy. i ate cupcakes. i want cupcakes for me. i want mickey mouse. goodbye.

-from rhett
12.24.2008

Cinco
(mi amor ricardo)


I listen to the rhythm
Of the violin
Four strings that create
a melancholy

The process
Is evolving
Just like the
Plucking

First position
Sweet courting
Octave accelerates
And follows

And here we are
Five years
Making music
bow and wood collides

in harmony
weak at times
parts glued
soul whole.

-duchesne 12.15.2008

fallen

Fallen
(to my baby)

So you feel hollow
And raw
Almost that dragging
Feeling

Yet somehow
You know
It is but
A passage

I love you
And I miss you
And will
Always care

It is a complex
Feeling that
Can drag
Can uplift

And mostly feel
Once again
Joyous
A matter of time.

-duchesne
12.9.08

another alibi

another alibi

you tell me you love me
and yet
you want us apart
am lost on what to think


as confused and
as conflicted as you are.

so we do not belong
we do not get along
that we are apart
for so long

as confused and
as conflicted as you are.

so sudden
am sadden
and the answers
do not make sense

as confused and
as conflicted as you are.

sleepless nights
racing thoughts
crazy heartbeat
doubtful truth

as confused and
as conflicted as you are.

-duchesne 12.5.2008

e-she-sheng

first off... i have no idea what those words mean. i googled it and have no luck as well. i do have to write about it since it has become a household word from my toddler son. and coz the correct spelling escapes me i have to write it phonetically sounding. rhett says the word almost daily. i had investigated the school if they have heard of it. nada.

he uses it for almost anything eshesheng mama. eshesheng anything. name it. he says it in an almost joking way. like an expression. i do hope it is a passing fancy. otherwise, i have a lot of explaining to do with very little substance. oh gee - eshesheng!

a little about me

1. What time is it? 10:00PM

2. What's your full name? Penafrancia Duchesne Chung Tolaram-Crawford

3. What are you most afraid of? Claustrophobic.

4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater? “Righteous Kill” starring Al Pacino and Robert Deniro.

5. Place of birth? Naga City, Philippines.

6. Favorite meal(s): Thai and Asian fusion.

7. What's your natural hair color? Black.

8. Ever been to Alaska? No.

9. Ever been toilet paper rolling? Huh?

10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Sure.

12. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons. Those bacon bits are too dry.

13. Favorite day of the week? TGIF.

14. Favorite restaurant(s)? Too many.

15. Favorite Flower(s): Anthorium, sunflower and tulips.

16. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics and almost all sports LIVE!

17. Favorite drink? Pinacolada. Developing a luv for fruity martinis though.

18. Favorite ice cream? Mango.

19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney.

20. Ever been on a ship? Yes.

21. What color is your bedroom? Beige and white.

22. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once in VA. They have those parallel parking.

23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Lovelyn (a friend).

24. What do you do when you are bored? I do not get bored. I am always curious.

25. Bedtime? No set time.

26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? None. I am putting this in my blog page.

27. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Not applicable.

28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Not applicable.

29. Favorite TV show(s)? HGTV, Fox News, Travel Channel, etc.

30. Last person you went to dinner with? Rhett and mommy.

31. What are you doing right now besides being on the computer? None.

32 What are your favorite colors? Black, white, brown, red and lime.

33. How many tattoos do you have? None. I only do temporary tattoos.

34. How many pets do you have? One cat name Pumpkin

36. What do you want to do before you die? Make sure Rhett is taken care of.

37. Have you ever been to Hawaii? Yes.

38. Have you been to countries outside the U.S.? Yes (i.e. Korea, Australia, France, Italy, United Kingdom, Philippines, etc.)

39. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? None. This stays in my blog space.

got freedom?

rubble

"drop your toys,
pick up rocks!"
a common cry
among children in israel
where children bury their friends...

suicide bombers strike
once again in palestine
acts of terrorism rampant
routine casualties arise
where families call it honor...

the tower came crashing down
shouts of terror enveloped the air
along the streets of new york
broken fragments in all directions
where destruction
signified war...

the seas chose no boundaries
the mountains echoed a deafening silence
and the skies turn to pale gray.

a shadow cast
with all its might
the eagle visible
spirited and confident.

it soars high
only one truth
it spread its wings
only one cry
... freedom!

-duchesne (march 2002)



where were you during september 11, 2001?

in that historic and tragic day we were all in confusion. a haze of dark clouds loom and images flash in the tube of destruction. a massive infrastructure downfall of the world trade center in new york. incredibly impossible in our thoughts. how could it be that the planes can hit those twin towers. such evil creativity. thousands of death casualties and counting.

i was in the training room of blue cross and blue shield of florida when i first heard the news. we had tons of questions with very little information. everyone did not know what to make out of it. there was one television in the building but not much of a reception. some cubicles had a radio so we manage to monitor the developments.

my classmates during this training for membership and billing were concern if i had to be activated. i was an active naval reservist at that time.

the naval air station in jacksonville closed its gate. the vehicles were trapped inside and so were those kids in daycare. mothers were worried how they can get them home safely without having any entry access to the base.

i remember the normally composed dan rather deliver the news with a sob. it was beyond humanity to kill so many americans that went to work in the morning with the hope of earning a decent living for their families. homes that are now without fathers, mothers, friends, sons, daughters, etc.

their remains were never fully recover. there are moments that i get choke up reliving it whether i am watching a documentary or just thinking back. it was a defining moment in realizing we have entered a new era of terror. a vastly dangerous world.

the painted veil

i really should create a blog. dunno how to create one and yet i have endless thoughts running faster than my fingers can type. so i share with you the thought for the moment.

i figured that mother's buy newspapers on the day their child was born to show them when they are grown what happened the day of course they were born. so why if that is not the case... then blog your thoughts away and share with the grown child one day and how you are as perfectly normal or odd that they had no idea you were capable of.

hmmm perhaps a laptop for christmas can document such entries. the endless needs and wants in duchesne's world. i can never be a buddhist no matter how much i read the teachings. i am such an earthy creature so attach to possessions. admittedly... if at one point i had nothing-i would be happy with a starbucks hot chocolate no whip please.

so my voice is soooo scratchy a raspberry hot tea would be nice. talking all day as a job can do you. i try! i try! to drink tea during the day and always end up drinking the favored cold coke soda. bad bad and such human weakness. reminds me of britney spears who sings for a living and instead of drinking ginger tea resorts to smoking as a breather.

so i took rhett to the pool and had a fab time except he has to have a fit and want pj's after a dip to the pool. now who in the world bring pajamas to the pool? so he was running n-a-k-e-d in his crocs after the wet gear went off. was confused whether altogether if it was pure hilarious or humiliating. finally coaxed him to wear his kimono robe.

he was begging me to read his dinosaur book during bedtime and you know i don't mind. but we have read this particular book a nth uptemht xxxx time. so i was begging just the same as he was... if we can just forgo it. i was so engrossed with 'painted veil' movie (ed norton/naomi watts). if i can just have a few minutes please. the guilt flashes billboard size 'read 15 minutes a day to your child.' so yes, we read and we improvised the dinos with the spines and spikes. hhmmm just realizing that dinos eat turtles as well.

i have a particular fascination with dramas (and foreign cultures; this was supposedly shot in china). not because i'm female. okey it was a chick flick. i guess because it narrates. it tells a story about the real world. this was no exception to the stirring of emotions. i was so glad nobody can see me when the sad part came and the tears had to show. gosh that would be so not in control.

it's about a couple (norton rocks as usual ehem) that was just so different in personalities. got married not particularly for the love factor. with the cheating twist. and the vengeance part. and coming together part with conflicts resolved and a very poignant ending. define 'poignant'. i had to google that out.

i am habitually coughing tonight. it is no longer sexy. so who said it was sexy in the first place. i am reading my thoughts now so the pace has caught up and it is time to stop.

back to school

so today rhett went back to school after two weeks break. he wasn't enthused with school as what can be expected. he had too much freedom with not much of a schedule except for his daily routine such as bath time, bedtime reading, etc. the whole house was in shambles with his toys all over the place.

the first thing he said this morning was he did not want to go to school. didn't he want to see ms. gaby his teacher? and his friends like peter and mateja? no, he said. not much of a choice really since i had to go to work and he would rather leave the house with me.

we forgot his thomas the train nap mat at home. oh well with so many luggage it is not surprising. he had two lunch boxes and i had one.

he wasn't in the mood for his morning milk which was unusual. he said he did not want to go to school and he wanted his daddy.

am glad he has vivid memory of his father who is currently deployed in the the arabian gulf.

once again i had to leave him in the care of his morning shift montessori teacher - ms. gaby. a young mexican lass that is so child friendly and a very creative facilitator.

his tone was quite different at the end of the day when i picked him up. this time he said he wanted to go back to school. he is in pre-primary school. we saw peter and armando who are his buddies lining up with the big kids class. we said our goodbyes.

i could not help but utter "ohmigosh peter and armando are now in the big school". two weeks ago they were in his class. the BIG difference is they are potty train.

rhett was scheduled for the big school. the big issue... go on get a tissue. he was NOT potty train.

it is not a lack of trying. he has all the intro to potty training. from videos of "once upon a potty" to the potty training books and all sorts of potty gadgets you can imagine. the latest one comes with an attached steps to the butt cushion/pad.

he still hides when he has to go. embarrassment. he still refused to go potty. he still thinks "easyups/pullups" are cool and not an additional expense. Ha!

maybe am just tad bit easy to give up or lazy. or just espouses that he will come round to it when he is ready. i guess i am adopting maria montessori's philosophy as in let the child grow at their own pace. okay then.